Defined.

[Let me preface by saying: the last time I blogged was four months ago. Four months. I missed it so much! My actual blog is actually about two months worth of drafts and photos and they’re from Tumblr, and while I enjoyed that site and all it offers, I figured it was time to start fresh. I had been using Tumblr for about six years now and I realized that it was time to move on, especially because the website just reminded me too much of my teenage years (yikes!). So here’s to continuing my blog and journey-albeit I will transfer pretty much those two months worth of a blog onto here. If you’ve been following me for awhile now, awesome and thank you! So I’m sorry for your reading twice or thrice. Then I will continue to write and post updates on everything I’ve been learning and experiencing. God is too good and life is as well for me not to record these experiences and knowledge! -11/12/16]

Originally published 5/13/16

What in the world does immaculate even mean? It was a word I often heard my old Chipotle manager basically preach about on and on. You see, every Chipotle manager had to always, specifically daily, relay a message to the team. There was always a focused message for the day. As a matter of fact, I actually really enjoyed my year and a half there and learned a lot from my second job. Shout out to you, Chipotle! Though by now, you’d already gone through so much controversy, you still taught me a whole lot.

This brings me to the main point and reason why I even write today. After a one year hiatus from college (with the why I’ll explain more later), I finally found direction in the career I want to take part in and how I would possibly pursue that (more on that later, too!). With this, I realized I have a passion for writing. I always ran back to pen and paper (or keyboard) every time things went haywire, or conversely, when something great happened. Writing had always had a note-to-self concept for me. So here I am again, incorporating writing into my life. There are many other ways I use writing for as well, from something as major as songwriting to something as simple as texting something encouraging to a friend who felt down. In regards to this, I understood that I always had lessons I could draw wisdom from and that I was constantly learning. Because of this, I want to keep learning and jotting down every lesson I learn in order for me to retain the memory of these priceless nuggets of knowledge and wisdom, so to speak. This blog will serve, like my previous journals and even songs before, as a place where all these treasures are stored. So it’s my pleasure to share! In turn, I realized I have an immense passion not only for learning, but also continuing to progress as a person in terms of who I was created to be.

This inevitably brings me to finally write about the main, yes, the main reason I not only write, but do, just about anything, really! This should have been the first thing I wrote about, since this is the reason I basically live. However, this is honestly a hard topic. You have been forewarned! But! If you are still with me, this is me being real: I am only 22 years old and have already been through so many heartbreaks and circumstances that would weigh down, break down, and beat down a man and change his attitude and outlook in life for the worse. But here I am, practically preaching about this (to no shame!) and about the obnoxious optimism I was always known for (I’m the guy who’s been saying “It’s almost the weekend!” soon as the Monday morning blues hits everyone, even me). Just to be real with you, my beloved reader. Hear me out! Read me out? Yeah. Do that.

One of my long time best friends, whom I will name J1 for the lack of a better term and also the sake of respect to this person’s identity, recently caught up with me, and we ended up catching up for about three hours just sharing the progress each of us has been through in our respective lives. J1 was always like a big brother to me, and we basically sharedthe same childhood up to the formative teenage years (yikes). We went to the same church, shared so many mutual friends for what seemed like the longest time, spent countless weekends with the “bros” in sleepovers, performed many song covers (YouTube days were the days; I could/should definitely redo those awful videos with him, since I was still going through puberty [yikes #2]), went through a litany of video games in our time (darn I feel old saying that; c’mon, the oldest video game system I played was the Super Nintendo! Okay, that is pretty old. Only 90’ kids will remember. Okay, please don’t kill me for that phrase. Anyway), talked endlessly about girl issues (yikes #3), and talked about the more important things of life as well. There is a reason I call him one of my oldest and best friends. He has taught me a lot, and he was the number one supporter of “being the man or woman you were created to be”. There is an emphasis on “created” here, as opposed to the cliché saying of “who you weremeant to be”.

This difference in words is key; J1 and I share the same faith. We follow Jesus Christ and his teachings in the Bible. We believe in a higher calling by God himself to call upon the name of His son Jesus in the realization that we, as imperfect sinful sinners, have not pleased our Creator and that we have failed and are doomed for eternal punishment because of sin; that only through Jesus can we ever be redeemed from eternal damnation and restored back to being the people God created and meant for us to be. J1 was big on this truth. He always talked about these things regarding anyone. Whenever we talked about a friend and how we can better pray for and help that person, he always looked at that person through that lens: how will they achieve being the person they were created to be, since God created man and woman in His image?

In this sense, J1 has been integral with my walk with God (“walk” and “journey” are the big things I myself am all about) and the inevitable burden of struggles that is undoubtedly coupled with life, even the Christian’s life. I know this because God did not promise Christians an easy life, but He did promise that He would never leave. Being based on this faith, I realize that progression is something I must strive for. The verse Philippians 3:14 is key for me, and in summary, it pushes me to strive for personal growth and the ultimate goal in the grand scheme of things: Christ himself is the goal, to be formed in His likeness and strive to live like He did, to love like He did, and to live life in view and anticipation of meeting Him face to face in regard of His coming back to save those who called upon his name and grace.

Before I get even more preachy (though that was actually really fun, I meant every word), let me move on, since I have more to share about my journey as a Christian in the drafts to follow.

So, in light of these reasons, I wanted to tackle my altogether, quite honestly, lazy, directionless, and seemingly fruitless season. Albeit God was gracious enough to transform that season into something beautiful, I still had to tackle this:

Hiatus.

Although I have a mixture of emotions about this period of time from ashamed to relieved, it was definitely a great season full of free time and direction-seeking. It was generally a dry season; it was not without its mistakes, but it was also not without its triumphs. I enjoyed an annual Disney pass(!!!), which enabled me to go through a healing process I never knew I needed, as I spent most of my time in the happiest place on Earth with the most valuable friends I crucially needed at that time. I went through my first breakup that definitely defined a season in and of itself (more on that later, too), and I am glad that this season included God’s miraculous healing. It included a transition from one church to the next, a huge transition from one job to the next as well, with one being that Chipotle job, and it included two dropped classes in college which I currently retook to gain credit for. One of those classes was English 1B, which I had trouble getting back into after over a year without school and the grind of studying, which I by the grace of God was able to pass and even excel in. I excelled in it also because that was where I was pushed to really write my thoughts out and use words as an expression of ideas.  All in all, the hiatus, though frowned upon by myself, ended up being a tremendously beautiful blessing used to mold me as a man and give me a more tangible direction in life. So with that I am extremely grateful.

In addition, it was in this period of time that I learned what “immaculate” really meant to me.

Hey, I finally got back on topic!

That second job as a restaurant team member is where I defined the word “immaculate,” from which half of this blog’s namesake originates, and where I learned of the immense impact that that word had on my life. Immaculate is defined “free from flaws or mistakes; perfect.” My manager then would always place great emphasis on this idea of every aspect of his restaurant being immaculate and clean. Because of this, he has enjoyed great success in that company and has been promoted several times over, now serving as a regional team leader. He has made some impact on my former teammate’s lives himself, sharing his success with them and even with me. He’s enjoying some great financial success right now, and I have experienced his impact through his “immaculate” emphasis. Besides this, I also remember a good friend of mine, whom I’ll name E1, who coined the phrase “Dude, that’s clean!” For some odd reason, I never forgot that. I guess I also shared in taking pleasure when things seem perfectly clean and flawless. “Immaculate” sticks to me to this very day, as I place tremendous importance on the truth that my God is perfect and “clean” in all of His ways. (Psalm 18:30).

It is with this meaning that I came to realize the structure in which God has placed me. I have come to learn and define that every situation I come to face always presents me an opportunity to learn. I then have the choice: either waste this opportunity to grow or embrace it regardless of the transition being comfortable or mysteriously foreign ground. Growth inevitably calls for transition and it will not always be an easy one. It will call for leaving behind things accustomed to in order to progress and be molded for new and undiscovered territory, and might be coupled with pain and things hard to stomach. However, I have come to know this and pray to continue in this knowledge: by immaculate design, the things that mold me do not define me. Rather, it is the Creator, God Himself, who values me and my growth and orchestrates it, loves me, and ultimately determines the man I am to be defined.

5/13/16 @ Cafe 86 in Pasadena, CA